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Airline Jokes

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A Light Flight Attendant

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly."

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Rough Weather

"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

— Flight attendant on a Northwest flight after a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis.

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Business Class

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

— Anonymous Delta Flight Attendant

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50 Ways

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

— Anonymous Flight Attendant

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You should take it with you.

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

— Continental Airlines flight attendant

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From a pilot on a Continental Flight

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

— Continental Airlines pilot

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Southwest Airlines Guidance

"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

— Flight attendant on a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) announced to passengers who were apparently having a hard time choosing a seat.

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