Yo mama so stupid that she was fired by M&M for throwing away all the W's.
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
— Newspaper Headline
Clinton Wins Budget, More Lies Ahead
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Police Suspicious After Body Found in Graveyard
"My horse was in the lead, coming down the homestretch, but the caddie fell off."
— Samuel Goldwyn, Movie Producer
"Tuesday Night at the Movies will be seen on Saturday this week instead of Monday."
— Unidentified Television Announcer
"I think that the surest sign that there is other intelligent life in our universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
— Billy Watterson, cartoonist
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
— Mitch Ratcliffe - US Internet analyst
"Attaboy, Senator! Atta--uh, girl...person...what are you anyway?"
— Senator Jesse Helms addressing a female colleague