My best friend ran away with my wife.
— I really miss him.
Three men are sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The two others look astonished. "Oh", he says, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm and that's my pager".
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
— Al Gore