Yo mama so fat that people confuse her beeper for a back-up warning.
"Most illegal immigrants are law abiding citizens."
— Kirsten Powers - while standing in for Alan Colmes on Fox News Hannity & Colmes Show
What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
— Larry the Cable Guy
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.