How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married?
— There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
"I think that the surest sign that there is other intelligent life in our universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
— Billy Watterson, cartoonist
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
— Flight attendant on a Northwest flight after a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis.