A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
— Continental Airlines flight attendant
"I think that the surest sign that there is other intelligent life in our universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
— Billy Watterson, cartoonist