Did you hear about the $3 million Tennessee State Lottery?
— The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
— Continental Airlines pilot
"Attaboy, Senator! Atta--uh, girl...person...what are you anyway?"
— Senator Jesse Helms addressing a female colleague