A man was on his weekly golfing trip. He began his day with a birdie on the first hole and an eagle on the second.

On the third hole he had just made his first ever hole in one, when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

I haven't had anything to say for quite a while. With the primaries in full swing, I need to get something off my chest. All the candidates, from both parties, are putting themselves up as the agents of change. The media-anointed candidates, Hillary, Barack and McCain use the word "change" the most. Isn't it ironic how sitting politicians, collecting the people's money while out campaigning, are saying that they want to change the way Washington works. They are the reason Washington works the way it does.

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

It seems that all the Democratic Presidential Candidates are proud of not appearing on Fox News. I don’t understand it. Fox News has the well earned slogan of “Fair and Balanced”. They go out of their way to be fair to all guests…especially Democrats. Their approach to news coverage reminds me of the old movies that depicted life as a newspaper reporter, “Just the facts please”.

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $2.58. The counter girl took my $3 as I was digging for my change. When I pulled eight cents from my pocket and gave it to her, she stood there, holding the nickel and three pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters and we'd be all set, but instead, she hailed over the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there shaking and crying. Now, why do I tell you this?

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

I must begin by saying that I have never been much of a sports fan. I do enjoy watching a good football game or auto race, but that’s about all. It seems to me like the majority of the participants, in any sport, have such a narrow view of the rest of the world that the exchange of "duhs" in sports talk shows will keep me from ever being sucked in. But that’s not my rant today. I’m concerned about the way the sports mentality has screwed up our kids.